Found Out

It is both gratifying and disturbing to be recognized, the way I feel recognized when new demographic or generational trends are identified in the media. In the early 1990's, for example, when Generation X was brought to the attention of the American public through books like Generation X, and movies like Reality Bites, I was thrilled. "Oh, yes," I thought. "They are talking about ME! They are writing about ME! They understand what it's like to BE ME RIGHT NOW!" But at the same time, I felt a little self-conscious and strange. Were there so many other people saying and doing and thinking the same things I was that I was so easily pinned? Was I so un-original that I could be so easily grouped with thousands of other people JUST LIKE ME?

I've had those same feelings re-surface many times since the early 1990's, basically any time I found myself in the thick of a new demographic segment - business traveler, new mother, working mother. When my husband began work on his Ph.D. five years go, and even more when he finished two years ago, I found myself identified - by my association with him - as part of the academic culture: those people who listen to public radio, drive Volvos, wear Berkenstocks, and send their children to Montessori schools. (Although we are not an easy fit with that demographic segment.)

Most recently, my husband and I find ourselves identified as "hipster parents" - described so well by Adam Sternberg in "Up With Grups: The Ascendant Breed of Grown-Ups Who Are Re-Defining Adulthood" (New York Magazine, April 3, 2006). It's a long article, but worth the read if you've got the time. According to Sternberg, a Grup may also be known as a yupster (yuppie + hipster), a yindie (yuppie + indie), or an alterna-yuppie. Author Neal Pollack, featured and quoted in Sternberg's article, refers to himself as an Alterna-Dad, which also happens to be the title of his forthcoming book.

Whatever the title, my husband and I clearly fit the bill. More my husband than myself, Grups prefer jeans and t-shirts over suits and ties, carry an 0ver-the-shoulder messenger bag instead of a briefcase, encourage (force?) their young children to listen to "cool" music instead of The Wiggles, and stay current with new music and movies. Sternberg also describes Grups as "affluent, urban adults" - which doesn't quite describe us here in this small midwestern town with our modest income. We may not have the $400 jeans or the $800 stroller, but we are comfortable, and we are able to spend pretty freely on electronics and trendy clothes.

I was laughing at Sternberg's spot-on description of my husband, until I got to the paragraph where he nailed me, describing a 35-year-old who

quit the office job because—you know what?—screw the office and screw jockeying for that promotion to VP, because isn’t promotion just another word for “slavery”?; and besides, now that she’s a freelancer, working on her own projects, on her own terms, it’s that much easier to kick off in the middle of the week for a quick snowboarding trip to Sugarbush, because she’s got to have some balance, right?

Substitute "daytrip to the city" for "snowboarding trip to Sugarbush" and yikes, that's me. Well, okay, I'm not 35 either.....I'm 37. But still. Sternberg is writing about ME. He understands what it's like to BE ME RIGHT NOW. Again, it is both gratifying and disturbing. Reading Sternberg's take on Grups as Parents also left me a little uneasy:

See, Grups aren’t afraid of parenting. Grups don’t avoid having kids. Grups love kids. In part, though, this is because Grups find kids to be perfect little Mr. Potato Head versions of themselves. Of course, there’s more to Grup parenting than simply molding your kid’s tastes. You must be vigilant that you don’t grow up and become uncool yourself.

Again, I felt found-out. And not in a good way. This may cause me to think twice about why and how I'm trying to shape my children's cultural tastes. Am I doing it or me or for them? Sternberg's interpretation of Pollack's approach to this made me laugh uncomfortably at myself and my husband:

“You have to have a little bit of Dora the Explorer in your life,” he [Pollack] says. “But you can do what you can to mute its influence.” Okay. “And there’s no shame, when your kid’s watching a show, and you don’t like it, in telling him it sucks.” Yeah! There’s no—wait. What? “If you start telling him it sucks, maybe he might develop an aesthetic.” Sorry, son. No more Thomas the Tank Engine for you. Thomas sucks. Stop crying. Daddy’s helping you develop an aesthetic.

Sternberg speculates on who and what have influenced Grups to be who they are today. Grups have witnessed the generations before us (especially Baby Boomers) buy into traditional adulthood and corporate culture, only to find themselves unhappy in their work and eventually laid-off from their middle-management jobs.

Is it any wonder that the Grups have looked at that brand of adulthood and said, "No thanks, you can keep your carrot and your stick." Especially once we saw just how easily that stick can be turned around to whap your ass as you’re ushered out the door, suit and all.

Baby Boomers took adulthood and parenting seriously - so seriously, in fact, that sometime around 1980, they gave up the things they were passionate about (liberal causes, rock and roll music, illicit drugs), and instead, put on suits, tuned their dials to Easy Listening music, and started voting Republican. Now they reminisce about their younger years, hearing the music of the 60's and 70's played back to them in commercials for retirement savings options. The Boomers made adulthood more restrictive and boring than it already was, imposing unspoken rules like now that I'm 30/a mom/an assistant vice president, I can no longer wear trendy jeans/listen to cool music/let my hair grow. The Boomers have been telling us lately that they are going to redefine the retirement years, and perhaps they will do so by flipping the switch on "adulthood" as they have so rigidly defined it, and reverting back to their carefree and liberal youth. Boomers will turn retirement villages into retirement communes, strum their acoustic guitars while sitting in rocking chairs on the porch, grow their hair and beards long, and tell each other not to trust anyone under sixty.

The Grups of Generation X are approching adulthood very differently from the Boomers, according to Sternberg, redefining adulthood as "a period defined by promise, rather than compromise" and "making up adulthood as [we] go" rather than following someone else's guidelines or timetables. Generation X is not bound by rigid definitions of adulthood or parenthood, and we are not judgemental as we glance around the McDonald's Playland at other parents of our generation - Grups or not. While my husband and I identify strongly with the generalizations Sternberg has laid out in this article, we could also rattle off 30 or so other sets of parents we know and like who would not fit the Grups mold at all. Reading Sternberg's article has given us a good laugh, a good look at ourselves, and much to think about as we await our next cultural/demographic label.